Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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