I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
