so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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