I'm eating all of the evidence.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
