One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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