he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
