Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
