call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
