It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
