i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
