she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
