Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
