I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
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