theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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