your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
