White coat. Heels.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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