You smell like stripper and shame
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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