Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
