a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
