Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
