I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
