I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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