Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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