Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I still have a little drunk in my system
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
