wakey wakey hands off snakey
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
