my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
