My room smells like vodka and shame
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
that's an acceptable place to lick
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
