my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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