Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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