help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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