i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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