Hey man sorry I got all grabby
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
