there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
