Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
