There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
