Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
