thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
