if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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