my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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