You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
