If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
