Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
