Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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