hotel room ftw
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
