I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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