I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
