Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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