Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
