U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
