pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
