Who wears a wallet chain?!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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