I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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