I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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