Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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