sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
