I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
